Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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