Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
