it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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