My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
