:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
