Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
well you can't waste a boner
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
