I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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