I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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