Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if only i could text you this smell
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize