Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
