Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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