Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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