I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
