the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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