im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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