cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
