Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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