Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
