I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
