He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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