You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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