I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
