i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
