8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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