sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
