Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
