Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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