his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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