Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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