Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had me at cake vodka
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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