I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
