There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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