I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
