I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
