Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
