he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
