i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My balls are so social today.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
