my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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