apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
