At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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