So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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