i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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