My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
