Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
