she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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