There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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