So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
