garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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