you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
