I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
