hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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