even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
