she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
