Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
