I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
