My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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