Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Panties = found
Randomize
