I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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