Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
