Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
