11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
