I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
