Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
