I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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