8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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