Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
