it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
