Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
