Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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