Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
