i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
