I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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