I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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