i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My vagina is officially offended.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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