My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize