i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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