Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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