i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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